


Attention

by Justalostflutterby



Category: Cobra Starship, The Academy Is..., The Phrase That Pays - The Academy Is... (Song)
Genre: Anorexia, Bulimia, Desire, Desperation, Eating Disorders, F/M, Gabe Saporta - Freeform, M/M, Sexual Content, William Beckett - Freeform, gabilliam - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-10 01:00:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4371140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justalostflutterby/pseuds/Justalostflutterby
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not entirely sure what this is. Or what it could be. It may be a story one day. I might continue it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Attention

William’s point of view

[[[[TRIGGER WARNING]]]]

I don’t know who I am anymore. These days fly by without me having any recollection of what day of the week it is. Each morning I wake up, shake away the feeling of regret, and move on. That’s all any of us can do. We move on, we forgive ourselves, or else we’d all be six feet under.

I pull my white button down over my head and slide my arms through the holes, doing up the necessary buttons, swallowing nostalgia.

It’s just like any other day. 

Déjà vu is a saint for that – every day is the same. 

Every god damn day is exactly the same as before. Each morning, each night – each second that you wish you could be someone else is pain, just like the day before.

My spindly legs make their way towards the front door and I sling my bag across one shoulder, shoving in my headphones, blocking out any noises that may abrupt any other thoughts in my head. All I need to hear is the soft chirp of the music.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and my eyebrows raised at the message which read “have you eaten today?” – The message is from one of my classmates, one I talk to in Art and Creative Writing. People don’t know this, and I never thought I’d be like this. But for days it seems like my head has been all over the place and I have been focusing entirely on others’ attention. I’m addicted to it. Even if it burdens me with pain and self-loath; I still adore it. My head is addicted to the love, to the attention. 

Give me pain, give me selflessness, and please just give me attention. My head hangs low as I walk down the hallway, having ignored her text, my hair falling across my face. 

I make my way across the high school campus and to the art building, feeling the wind brush my hair out of my face. Thanks weather, for once again ruining my obviously flawless looks. That’s another thing, I sometimes do agree with others’ compliments. Some days I look good, some days I look so fucking awful I have to stick fingers down my throat. And some days I can’t even look at myself because I feel so disgusted. Some days, some days I feel okay. And today is one of those days. And today is a day when I want to feel good about myself. Today is a Friday, thank God. I just want to feel the abomination of noise that my classmates make whilst talking and painting. 

We’re painting portraits I believe today and whilst that seems therapeutic to most; it makes me feel nauseous. I just feel as if I can’t be as good as others – why try when you know you’re not going to be good enough? I’m never good enough, and I try to be the best person I can be and even then that isn’t enough. I need to stop disbelieving in myself. I need to stop acting so fucking self-centered. I need to ignore my thoughts for a while. 

I need attention to draw me away from my mind.


End file.
